Monday, May 02, 2005

Fly Much?

A bashing of airports, flying, and the new Airbus A380 as only a Brit can do.

"...Just as the plague rat was carried from Asia to Europe in the holds of merchantmen, the virus of Heathrow will be spread internationally by the Airbus A380. The symptoms of the contagion are crowds of people jammed shoulder to shoulder as if at an old fashioned soccer match, airport staff who have apparently been trained to turn their backs and moon at all inquiring customers, food that is composed equally of dried-out crust and congealed grease and, over-arching and infusing all, a mood of homicidal, simmering anger."

"...If simple neglect did not silence the customers, turning off the air-conditioning usually did: so oxygen levels would drop, the temperature rose, and with the flatulence caused by motionless people eating poor food in a strange atmospheric pressure, the cabin would soon be filled with the gastric gases of a few hundred passengers. And in these enchanting and picturesque circumstances, travellers had to spend eight or more hours.

"After such an ordeal, touchdown would offer only temporary relief. The crumpled passengers would have to make their way past the gum-chewing airport staff, on day release from the local jail, and fight like skinheads at luggage carousels, two counties away from where they landed..."

This guy almost sounds like he tried to fly Southwest out of Salt Lake/Ogden International...

Found at Argghhh!.


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